that distant rumbling you hear is the homestuck fandom punching its way out of the grave for one final hurrah
Posting my Homestuck Ending Bingo Card! Seems to be a bit of a thing happening right now, so might as well.
Half of these are jokes and half of them are actually serious. A few theories that have been floating around for literally years. Idk. We’ll see how this goes.
He’s still under the illusion of control, isn’t he? Just parsed in ego stroking social justice.
Oh yes. Just like how Rose was under the illusion that getting wasted would give her insight into the alcoholic mother she failed to connect with, and just how Terezi was under the illusion that her miserable relationship with Gamzee and her loss of the connections that made her feel cherished and happy — her blindness, Dave, Karkat — were fate’s due and deserved punishment for being the implement of Vriska’s demise, rather than self-inflicted guilt-induced misery. They are equally compulsive, destructive and self-defeating feedback-looping coping mechanisms based on a faulty premise.
Since Current Kankri’s thing is softening his words until they lose all meaning, Baby Seer Kankri must have been very good with them— guiding his companions into actions he deemed constructive by surgical application of words. Why, he might have been a master of the Pointed Question, or the Innocent Comment, casually leaving a major impact in his wake, secure in the knowledge that this impact would push the target into the right path, or at least out of danger. And being so good at it, he may have grown reckless.
Until Something happened. Something he may have accidentally put in motion with a careless word. He might not even have meant it to be a Word, just a word. Just an innocent and perhaps quite sincere comment in the wrong place at the wrong time. It triggered something. The impact left a crater behind, and perhaps had a body count. The power of his words backfired, and he grew wary.
He not only ceased to abuse words, but actively sought to diminish their frightening power, to let others know to brace themselves before impact, to therefore avoid friendly fire. And this approach seemed to work; no one went on a murder spree after talking to him. Mostly because no one could be arsed to stick around so long and sift through so many qualifiers. But he’s totally in control of them! Tight-fisted, tyrannical control.
In other words, when he starts listing trigger warnings and buzzwords, what he’s actually doing is screaming FLY YOU FOOLS! DUCK FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! before passing some gas. Not even the really smelly kind, but the one that goes fssss, smells a little funny and warm for two seconds, and then disperses harmlessly. But what if someone smells it and chokes to death? That is a risk he simply can’t take.
I’ll bet you good money that it was something to do with Mituna. Because echoes of ancestors, and really, who got fucked up more in that session than Mituna? We still don’t know what the fuck happened to him either. And from the sounds of we probably never will.
Kankri could have either spoken to him or to someone with the power to manipu8 or chucklevoodoo him into doing something ridiculous and reckless and stupid.
Shit I want this fic now.